I had this blog created because it was required of me for my old American Lit class last winter, but this post and all future posts (assuming I don't end up in a class requiring me to do this again lol) will be my choice and will be about most likely my life, which is the topic for today's post. I won't blog that often as it really depends but I at least wanted this one out there to share some of my life's story. I won't be talking about EVERYTHING just things I feel are important right now to put out there so a quick warning this will probably be extremely long (we'll see) and I won't be naming names in this post but if those people were to read this they will know it's them, so with that said let's begin!!
My name is Kyle and I am 26 years old. Born to my mother (OBVIOUSLY!!!!!) and my "Father" David Nolan. He was born October 12th 1958??(something like that it's around there) . I know what ur thinking. You thought I said I wasn't going to name names. Truth is he doesn't count. Why doesn't he though? Well before I turned the age of one he abandoned me and for the most part I'm ok with that fact. I've become a better person for it. I know not to ever hit a woman, I know not to ever cheat, I know never to leave/abandon your family. I know what it's like without a father, why would I want my children (if I ever have any! :/ ) to suffer the same experience? I always say to myself if I have to endure these lonely feelings and experiences just so my family doesn't have too then I will accept that price every single time.
It makes me sick to see so many of my friends get cheated on or left simply because they weren't ready to be a father. That isn't a real man, and you are promoting that behavior by staying with them. You all deserve so much better than that ALL of you. A lot of you think poorly of yourself simply because the person you are/were with told you that you were worth nothing. You need to listen. They are the one that isn't worth anything, if they can't see how awesome you are. I know some incredible people and these people who are with you should consider themselves the luckiest guys alive, but they simply take it for granted. I know I'm very lucky that I know a lot of you guys. Don't take that stuff for granted. When there is something real you'll know it, when its not there don't force it. It's NEVER going to change (more likely it won't). I wanted to be a Radio DJ growing up, but here's the thing that's what my father was, so in a effort to remain as different as him as possible I decided I'd do elementary school teaching, but I just wouldn't have the heart to enjoy it as a career. I'm usually the advice guy, you know someone has a problem I'm usually there for them if they need me. So it just became a natural fit for me to do Psychology, so right now I'm working on my degree to become a Psychologist (Therapist). I'm insanely excited for that!
Backtracking a bit. I used to go to the bowling alley every Friday and during the summers Thursday from age 6-18. I met some great people there. Some I've kept in connect with and some that I haven't. One of my very first crushes (I'd say second) was this girl I met there. I literally had this crush on her from age I'd say 10-18. I chased her for 8 years. Do I regret it? Sort of. I mean I didn't really date between that time(I'll get to that in a minute) I hate that I chased for so long, but see the thing about me is once I have feelings for a girl, she's the only girl I can have feelings for. I'm extremely loyal when it comes to that kind of stuff. I asked her out a few times, but got laughed at basically. She did tell me later in life that she should've given me a chance which was nice to hear but as you can imagine doesn't really help. My first love was when I was 16. I dated this girl and it was actually a long distance thing. I didn't care and we made it work. We were together for over 14 months. I loved her so much and when we broke up I just lost it. You know how teens get right? Thinking that life is over, but time really does heal and honestly her and myself are still friends to this day. It's kind of weird to know next month will be the 10 year anniversary if when her and I started to date though lol. It really felt like yesterday.
After the break up my senior year of high school started and I remet someone who I knew from Elementary school and long story short we became really good friends. It wasn't for awhile (like 8 months) that one day I realize i'm always happy and smiling around this person when I knew I was going to hang out with her or just got back from hanging out. It was then I realized I had fallen for her, and I told her just before I hit 21 but I think it was a mistake because we quit talking shortly after that, I think it may have been a coincidence on that because we just went on different life paths at that point but once that happened it caused me to how should I put it.. Suffer from a pretty bad depression that lasted almost 4 years. Speaking of 4 years that's how long it was till I spoke to my friend again. We hung out and I was wondering if I still had feelings for her.. I saw her and instantly knew that I still was. It was up to 3 months ago that I still felt that way, and to a certain extent I do but I had to move on because again... I just spent another 8 years chasing a second girl. I know how it sounds and i'm pretty dumb for it but nobody can never tell me I didn't try.
Truth is I realized just today (Because I watched Once Upon a Time finale! it's good!!) that if I went back in time and something changed to where I didn't know that person(she didn't know me) and we weren't friends because of it.. I'd literally feel destroyed. I honestly feel like now that I know her and everything.. if something were to happen where we never met etc that would become my own personal hell, and truthfully I've never felt that way about anybody before. Don't get me wrong. i'm so lucky to know and have met all my friends and I wouldn't change that for anything, but you know what I mean right?
I know eventually i'll have a family and children of my own and I can't wait for that day. I just hope it's not when i'm 40 when i'd be too old to play with my children. I don't want to see their disappointed face if I have to tell them I can't play cause i'm "too tired" or something. I blamed my past on various things and honestly it wasn't the best but i'm doing something about it to make right here and now and beyond to become the life that I've always wanted. I think i'm doing a good job at making that happen. I really look forward to what the future has in store and I hope to find someone that actually wants me for who I am, and not for what I have or for what I look like. I want a Chance to prove i'm worthy. I mean, someone wants you to marry them that's one of the greatest honors.. Ideally we only get married once in our lives and for someone to want me to be that person for them that's such a honor to have and so many people nowadays take that for granted =/. I'm sorry for all of those who feel that way but yet their married counterpart didn't.
This wasn't my entire life's story, but maybe i'll fill in gaps from time to time this is just what I wanted out in case I never got the chance.
Thanks for reading!
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